Interview with Pain Waves
Pain Waves is an Alternative band.
Why did you want to be a professional musician?
I had always feared the facets of pursuing a music career - professionally. I rarely travel since I hurt and rehabbed my back at 22. I haven't flown in 13 years because of nausea I get from high altitudes. So that basically makes pursuing a career in music more difficult in the traditional sense.
By 25 I had accumulated more scars - post adolescence, and - in therapy, contrived of an escape from my parents.
I decided not to fight my dad in the guardianship - because he made me sick and then black-mailed me over his abuse - that he perpetrated against me throughout my life. Mixing that sense of shame with meds I'm allergic to, was pure torture - but he had already crossed that line when I was 22.
By the time the guardianship rolled around, I was sick from about 10 different types of the same medication class. I was sicker than a dog, and in psychosis. The doctors were hurting me, and my dad was scaring me by visiting excessively, and I couldn't bear to be in my own head - thinking I was the problem.
I have traced it back to being more about my father's PR image than anything I have control over. He wanted me to work a normal 9-5 and never speak on the things I knew of. Losing that battle only made him look good. His scheme cut my benefits in half, on top of everything else he put me through. I had to move out of my condo because of it.
Things didn't add up - because in the same span of time that they were declaring me sick and then better - after that I taught myself piano. And then I lost my freedom. So there was a brief period of lucidity that caused me to learn all the triads for a whole instrument with only some music tabs - while "sick." I was sick - but I was also on meds I'm allergic to, coming off a high-benzodiazepine dosing regimen as well. 12 mg of clonazepam or Xanax every day for 35 days. So I had a lot of energy in the rehab I went to after that dosing.
I traded in my gym time for piano time, and before I knew it - I was transposing "Whatsername" by Green Day - up and down the keys - transposing it and connecting the dots in 10 days.
I only lost my freedom because of the abuse and threats from my father. So I knew it was a sham from the start, and I hated every second. I wasn't motivated into pursuing music until I saw a way out of guardianship and conservatorship.
Bradley Walden from the band Emarosa had posted on twitter, seeking students for songwriting lessons and vocal lessons. It all clicked when I saw that post. I e-mailed him and was able to get out of the protective orders within a year. The most common outcome for someone in a guardianship or conservatorship is death. We're treated like cash cows. It makes me sick. That's what drove me to pursue music. I've fought the system with music and won, in many capacities.
I dropped my second EP while I was on a psych hold - on the ward's computer in Denver. Soundcloud wasn't blocked on their network. Before I knew it I had the nurses jamming it on their phones. I called it "Hospital Beds." I dodged a 6 month psychiatric-hold with that release.
The last thing that drove me to pursue a career in music, was my photography career. I had spent well over 9 years photographing bands at the time. I had always wanted to be on stage playing music. I finally had my chance when I sang with Weezer in 2009. The day after the show, I decided that I wanted to pursue music. I changed my major and started studying the arts. My main focus would end up being somewhere between business, recording and a single guitar class. With that knowledge I've been able to thrive. I always wanted to be like Steve Jobs in the college sense. Drop in here, learn that and move on to something else. It's better even if I don't have a degree.
What inspires your music?
In the beginning I drew a lot of inspiration from life's struggles. I had about 27 years of abuse to draw from when I started....I'm shifting to a more melancholy and apathetic vibe lately, It's a very fun place to write in and even better space to live in. Selective Apathy can be very healing.
What things get you in the mood to write songs or do lyrics come spontaneously?
It's a vibe or energy that I get. Usually, caffeine, some nicotine and cannabis gets me comfortable enough to get stuff done. Once my pain isn't bothering me I can think about other things. I had a period of time where I'd crash - metabolically, from the meds, and whenever I'd eat - I'd get this energy in me, and that sparked a lot of inspiration. I wrote a lot of music like that. I traced it back to being hypo-mania from a medication I was allergic to, so It doesn't happen anymore, but it was productive, that's for sure.
How do you want your music to affect people?
I would like my music to affect positive change for people by amplifying the struggles I've faced (which others have been through as well) in my lyrics. Some of the darkest of times can be overcome with music. It seems like every year; I had at least 3 albums that I loved - that made life beautiful enough to want to stay - and I aim to make music that has that cause and affect behind it.
Do you test out your songs before releasing them? How do you do this?
I release what I think will vibe and resonate with people. If I ever have doubts, I'll usually hit up my friend Steven Pitzl (Antics, Mechanical Kids, The Royal), or schedule a session with Bradley Walden. He's been very helpful to me. I'm grateful.
How do you prepare for a gig?
The last - in person gig I played, I had dinner, I had some wine, I took my meds and the rest is (kind of) a blur.
When I'm on twitter I'll occasionally play some music and I gotta usually be high for it (on cannabis - in colorado)
What is your favorite song that you've written?
"You Couldn't Kill Me Faster?!?!" has been my favorite since I wrote It. It includes imagery of heaven and makes beauty out of an ugly subject - in a way.
Has there been a reaction to one of your songs that you've been surprised by?
The song Better - there's a bridge that's about 8 measures or so. I included a motivational speech in the set - in the absence of the vocal in the original track - and apparently I made a woman in the audience cry?
What are some ways that you promote yourself?
That's a secret. But I use Reverbnation to promote myself and also have a publicist.
What would you say has been the biggest challenge of your career?
The biggest challenge I've faced so far has been overcoming the obstacles set in front of me - by others and continuing to create. It's been a bit of a goat-rodeo.
Everything from getting tortured for 4 days to getting assaulted repeatedly by my roommate. They were all needless challenges that I shouldn't have had to face.
What have been your favorite places to tour?The east coast was lovely and If I go back to touring at all I'll be hitting up the east coast for sure. The drives were short and I loved the coastline.
Are there advantages to being an independent musician?
There are many - The main reason I would sign a deal - would be studio time, but I already went to the D.I.Y. route and love it. There's no unlearning that. That's one of the advantages to being an independent musician.
Another is that I don't have an album cap or minimum requirement with a label. I've heard stories of musicians hating the fact that they have to create 2 more albums, or this or that... but won't get paid because of their label debt. So in that respect, it is also an advantage to be an independent musician.